Thursday, May 22, 2008

It's a Cat's Life

My housemate, Tuxedo the cat received this recent email from his feline friend next door.

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...

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Ministry of Silly Walks, Monty Python The Pythonites knew how to deliver lunacy, but perhaps their greatest skill was in establishing the foundation for, and then slowly building upon, absurd premises. Case in point: this classic sketch, which opens with the sight of John Cleese buying a newspaper and then taking weird, gigantic steps down London's streets, and becomes increasingly funnier with each new development. Cleese arrives at his job, which a sign surprisingly informs us is at the Ministry of Silly Walks. He passes by other strangely ambling co-workers and into his office, where Michael Palin asks for help in developing his not-very-silly gait so as to receive a government grant. Cleese's ensuing demonstration is a tour-de-force of physical showmanship, his strikingly long legs bending in ways both hilarious and awe-inspiring. It's the newsreel footage of silly walks from yesteryear, however, that truly cements this sketch's status as one of Python's greatest hits Back to top
Kitty makes weird music Back to top