fossey thoughts: Can I borrow a couple of million?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Can I borrow a couple of million?

It costs $2 million plus and labelled the world's priciest car.

Ok. I'm not a car freak but it would be good for my image to cruise around town in this beast. Problem is, I would be scared to park it anywhere other than the vault of a bank. One scratch would cost zillions to repair. I couldn't just leave it parked in the street as it would stand out like a sore thumb and get knocked off by an enterprising car thief and rebirthed in another country in the blink of an eye.

Another problem. It uses 40 litres of fuel per 100 kilometres in city traffic or would run out of fuel in 12 minutes travelling at 250km/h. With the price of fuel these days, it means I would have to get a personal loan and not eat to fill the tank the necessary number of times each week to keep the thing running.

Built by Volkswagon, this Bugatti Veyron is a mid-engined sports car that can rocket to 100km/h in 2.5 seconds. On the autobahns of Europe it can legally reach speeds of more than 400km/h

End of daydream. I have to settle for a scooter.

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Ministry of Silly Walks, Monty Python The Pythonites knew how to deliver lunacy, but perhaps their greatest skill was in establishing the foundation for, and then slowly building upon, absurd premises. Case in point: this classic sketch, which opens with the sight of John Cleese buying a newspaper and then taking weird, gigantic steps down London's streets, and becomes increasingly funnier with each new development. Cleese arrives at his job, which a sign surprisingly informs us is at the Ministry of Silly Walks. He passes by other strangely ambling co-workers and into his office, where Michael Palin asks for help in developing his not-very-silly gait so as to receive a government grant. Cleese's ensuing demonstration is a tour-de-force of physical showmanship, his strikingly long legs bending in ways both hilarious and awe-inspiring. It's the newsreel footage of silly walks from yesteryear, however, that truly cements this sketch's status as one of Python's greatest hits Back to top

Think about this...
1 If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2 If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3 Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? · 4 If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5 If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6 Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 7 When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
9 Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10 Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11 Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? ·
12 "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
13 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14 What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
15 I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16 Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so posties can look for them while they deliver the mail?
17 You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18 No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
19 Ever wonder about those people who spend $3 on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE
20 Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

More Strange Thoughts and Musings
How did Adam keep his fig leaf on?
Ballpoints - Should they be awarded?
If you're born again, can you vote twice?
When a nudist wants to remind himself of something, what does he tie a knot in?
If there is a heaven for atheists, is anybody there?
Clumsiness, is it catching? Or is it dropping?
Why do we say "My alarm clock didn't go off" When it obviously didn't go on.
If women were in charge of nuclear defence, would the missiles be shaped differently?
Why do they have parking spaces for disabled people at skating rinks?
If your goldfish was incontinent, how would you know?
If they have no reflection, how do vampires shave?
Why doesn't superglue stick to the tube?
How did the Phantom of the opera get his huge organ into the sewer?
When sour cream goes bad, how do you tell?
Why does a cowboy wear two spurs? If one side of the horse goes, so does the other side.
Why is it called a TV set when you only get one?
If gay people can't breed, where the hell are they all coming from?
If your name is samsonite, what do you put on your luggage?
I spilt some stain remover on my sleeve the other day, how do I get that out?
If the formula for water is H2O, is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?
Can you use a yo-yo on the moon?
What do you call a male ladybird?
If they tried to change our national anthem would people stand for it?
What did Long John Silver do with his left shoes?
If you were trapped right up to your neck in quicksand and someone threw a brick at your head, would you duck?
Why can't you tickle yourself?
What is occasional furniture the rest of the time?
When you're sitting in the cinema, which armrest is yours?
If supermarkets were less crowded, would more people go to them?
Why is it that wrong numbers are never engaged?
Did the Sioux Indians bother with bald cowboys?
If the Police arrested Mr Bean, would they have to tell him he had the right to remain silent?