Wind-breaking mom a star of the show

Thanks and all credits to http://tauntvortex.blogspot.com/ for this flatulating story

DeFuniak Springs, FL - Part of the universal experience of being a teenager is enduring the slings and arrows of embarrassing words and deeds from their own parents. Perhaps no teen in America is more keenly aware of this than 14 year old Hannah Faye Foster of DeFuniak Springs.

"It's Gosh-awful embarrassing," says the aspiring young actress. "I mean, I'm glad mom tries to be supportive of me and all, but then she'll sit right in the front row during one of my musicals, and it happens."

"It" is the extreme flatulence of her mother, Beverly Foster. "Like, I had the lead role of Becky Thatcher in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer," Hannah elaborated, "and in the scene Tom's trying to impress me and I'm supposed to be all coy and everything, and then mom just lets one rip. It totally blows."

Beverly Foster's bouts of wind-breaking are notoriously loud and frequent. According to one patron of the DeFuniak Springs Community Playhouse who wished to remain anonymous, Mrs. Foster can often be heard as far back as section W, "even during a musical with the full orchestra playing." "The frequency varies," said another theater-goer, "from a low of about 4 during The King and I, up to about 11 times during Oklahoma. But that makes sense."

Much to Hannah's chagrin, Mrs. Foster has season tickets for her front row seats. Mrs. Foster claims that she simply loves to watch her daughter perform, as any proud parent would. "But I don't do it on purpose," she insists. "I've been to a bunch of doctors, and they just can't find anything. I've even cut back on broccoli, P.F. Changs and Hot Pockets, and it still happens."

Hannah says she tries to empathize with her mother, but notes that her gas-passing seems to be at its worst during her musicals. "She never farts during Coby's baseball games." To Hannah's credit, despite having dialogue punctuated by ear-splitting flatulence, she never forgets her lines."

The bright stage lights help," said Hannah. "I can't really see her, so I just pretend it's Mr. Bartlett*. But my eyes will still water a lot."

Despite her spunky "show must go on" attitude, Hannah Faye Foster is frequently the target of local dinner theater critic Lourdes Murilo. After a recent performance of Oklahoma, Murilo said of Hannah Faye's performance : "Her acting is horrid. She truly is the black hole of 8th grade talent. Watching her makes me look forward to the sequel to Gigli. If anything, her mother's disturbing flatulence is a pleasant distraction from Hannah's disturbing acting." Murilo went on to describe Hannah's awkward dancing as "An inspired combination of Elaine's 'kick' dance on Seinfeld and Dieter on 'Sprockets' from Saturday Night Live."

Look for Hannah Faye in the DeFuniak Springs Community Playhouse Production of "The Matrix" in November, where she will revive the role of Trinity. The Taunt Vortex recommends the balcony seating.* the kindly school bus driver who eats "Slim Jims" by the caseload.